Raising Our Kids: Four Life Skills for the New Decade

   It's a new decade, and if you're like me, milestone years get you thinking...how do I want my child to grow up over the next decade and beyond? What key tools should I give my child to ensure that he becomes a caring, self-sufficient, courteous, and industrious member of the community?

   In my 20-plus years working with children and parents and also raising three kids, I have discovered that there are four critical life skills each child should develop. If you model these behaviors and help your child achieve them, the result will be a confident, well-behaved, happy child, and eventually a young adult who respects you, whom others respect, and who is able to achieve great success.

1.  Frustration tolerance is a crucial life skill to impart. You must say "no" and follow through, set limits and stick to them, and not give in to whining and tantrums. Young children must learn to sleep in their own beds without extensive intervention. Teaching your child to soothe himself is a key to learning frustration tolerance. Older children must learn that they won't get everything they want: Some things will be deferred, others they may never receive. This is not deprivation - rather, it is your duty to teach your child to cope with not having his every demand met. You should model frustration tolerance by being patient on long lines, not yelling frequently at your child or others, and by striving until you achieve a goal.

2.  Teach your child compassion for others. This can be done in many different ways. Make sure that your child says "I'm sorry" when he injures someone or hurts their feelings - even by accident. Help him take responsibility for his own behavior by modeling this yourself. Make giving to charity an important part of your family life by donating time or money. Look for other opportunities to make compassionate behavior a priority for your family.