Elisabeth Röhm of 'NCIS' and 'Law & Order' Discusses Her IVF Journey
The 'NCIS' and 'Law & Order' actress discusses her book, "Baby Steps: Having the Child I Always Wanted (Just not as I Expected)"
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Did the passing of your mother affect your approach to raising Easton?
Before she died, my mother gave me the greatest compliment of all, she said, “You’re a natural.” My mom was a natural, she was an incredible mother, a stay-at-home mom, and I got her all the time. We didn’t have to struggle with separation, which is something I go through with Easton; it’s very hard to be away from her. But at the same time Easton gets a good example of how big the world is and how many options she has to scale whatever mountain she wants. I think that although I was grieving very deeply when my daughter was 2 years old, it also made me very mature on a different level. Life consists of all these milestones but when you lose your parent, there’s a transition of stepping into the role of being a matriarch when that happens. I wasn’t as indecisive as I had been in the past. There was no calling your mom for advice. I stepped into a more empowered place even though I was grieving.
Anything that surprised you about the IVF process?
It was extremely hard on my relationship because you feel as if there’s something wrong with you and then of course between you as a couple, no matter how supportive you are of one another, whomever has the fertility issues, the other one feels like there’s something wrong with them too.
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What advice do you have more moms struggling with fertility?
Go easy on yourself. If you’re discovering that you have fertility issues, there are a lot of versions of modern family and there’s only so much your body can go through. But go for it! There’s a lot of support out there, a lot of amazing doctors, and a lot of amazing advancements. But what I’d really say to the younger generation, the reproductive generation that want to be parents some day, is to take all the time you want to have the career you want, to establish a foundation to not be spread between family and work, take the time to pick the right partner, but think ahead. Ask your doctor to give you certain tests because it’s like the breast exam—there was a time when people didn’t do that. The more we become advocates for ourselves as women by saying, “I need to have my hormone levels checked and my fertility reserve checked,” then you can advocate for your future family. Empower yourself with information and knowledge and ask for what you need, so you won’t be surprised at 38 if you discover that you’ve got some complications. Infertility in many ways is a disease, but it’s something you can hedge your bets on if you empower yourself with knowledge about your body. That’s really why I wrote the book. I wanted to create a call for action and I’m still talking about it.
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