• ACTIVITIES
    • Calendar Today's Activities Activity Guides
  • Camps
  • Education
  • After-School
  • Special Needs
  • Services
  • Health
  • Advertise

    • Get Tons of Family Activities Sent to You Weekly!

    Rockland Parent has a new home! Find us at newyorkfamily.com for even more guides, events & resources
    Home Parenting Articles

    NOTES FROM THE BACKSEAT DRIVER

    By Patricia Ryan Lampl

    A recent car conversation with my 9-year-old on the way to a party. Oh, and by the way, it was nowhere near my birthday!

    “Mom, guess what you’re getting for your birthday?

    What? 

    And guess from who?

    Hey, I don’t know.  What from who?

    From ME.  You’re getting  jeans!!!!

    Jeans.  No kidding.  You want to get me jeans?

    Yeah.  You don’t have any.  And all the moms wear jeans.

    They do?  I didn’t really notice.  Do you want me to look like all the moms?

    Yeah.  Then you’ll be in the Mommy Club.  And look like everyone else.

    I don’t really need to look like everyone else.  I’m pretty comfortable as I am.  And even though I don’t wear jeans, I’m still friends with the moms. They still like me even if I don’t wear the same thing.  You know, it’s OK to have your own style.

    I know, but I’m still getting you jeans and wearing my jean skort to school tomorrow and getting my ears pierced. Two other girls got theirs pierced.

    That’s nice of you, but, you know being different is OK…
    (I think I’m saying the right things, but, clearly, she needs me to fit in. I’m hardly goth and only borderline preppy — but, obviously, just different enough to bother her).

    I know. I know.  But I need you in jeans.  Are we almost there?


       Dr. Stephen Alter, a family counselor from Forest Hills, responded to this conversation by saying: “A 9-year-old child will likely have a hard time appreciating the notion of being different.”  He went on to explain that we can fail to appreciate the degree to which ‘sameness’ is an essential step on the road to individuality; one has to pass through a phase of fitting in, before one can securely bust out.

       He counsels that a mother shouldn’t become a clone for the child’s sake, but be empathic with the child’s wish for sameness.  And remember not to communicate any sense of disappointment that your child feels this way — it is natural.

       Instead, use this as an opportunity to discuss issues about being different. Dr. Alter suggests “using metaphors that will help them understand, such as a character in a story or movie who was proud to be different.” And, finally, help your child understand that we are all more the same than different in spite of what we wear.

       The good news is that I have a few months to diet so that I can fit into those jeans!


    SUGGESTED READING:

    ‘It’s OK to Be Different’, by Todd Parr

    ‘Why Am I Different?’, by Norma Simon, Dora Leder

    ‘Sunflower Sal’, by Janet S. Anderson

    PATRICIA RYAN LAMPL is a TV producer and author of the children’s book, ‘My Blankie’.



    >

    Want more content like this?

    Featured Listings:

    Palisades Center

    Palisades Center

    West Nyack, NY We offer an impressive selection of retail stores, services and restaurants to make your shopping experience a truly exceptional one! Pick up a Pali...

    Toyriffic2 Toy Store

    Toyriffic2 Toy Store

    Pomona, NY We are a unique, boutique toy store in Pomona, NY offering a great selection of Melissa & Doug crafts and many other quality, affordable educational t...

    Kreative Kids & Vicki's Dance Studio

    Kreative Kids & Vicki's Dance Studio

    New City, NY For over 29 years, Kreative Kids has provided a nurturing and fun-filled toddler/nursery program where classes are kept small for individualized atten...

    Master Jung & Yu Traditional Taekwondo

    Master Jung & Yu Traditional Taekwondo

    New City, NY Blending Korean culture and philosophy with traditional Taekwondo, Master Jung & Master Yu's school offers unique martial arts training. Our goal is t...

    About Us

    Rockland Parent is proud to be a division of New York Family and part of Schneps Media. Rockland Parent is the go-to resource for local parents. As part of New York's leading media group for local lifestyle and family content, we connect parents with everything they need-things to do, local events, parenting resources, and trusted businesses in the Rockland County community. Backed by the trusted voice of New York Family and Schnep's Media's extensive local network, we are your one-stop destination for raising kids in the Lower Hudson Valley.

    Join Us



    Connect with Rockland Parent

    Advertise

    This Month's Issue


    More Resources

    Copyright 2025 All Rights Reserved Davler Media Privacy Policy SE Link