The God Box: Role Mommy Book Club Q&A with Author Mary Lou Quinlan

Author Mary Lou Quinlan answers questions regarding her book, "The God Box." The book touches on family stories, personal history and healing through the physical act of acceptance and letting go with a God Box, a object very close to Quinlan's heart. Mary Lou Quinlan's "The God Box" goes beyond popular book club reads by focusing on love, faith and family.

Mary Lou Quinlan:  This is the favorite project I've ever worked on and I feel terrible saying this,  but if I died tomorrow I would say I was so happy I did this.  It's just a joy telling my mom's story and best of all, people read it and say, "Oh, Mary is just like my mom.  And I think 'Oh my gosh, you're talking about MY mom.'  I just love that and that's my story - I'm here, just all daughter, all daughter all the time.

Question:  When I first heard of the book, originally, I didn't want to read it because I am not a religious person at all and when I saw The God Box, it was not something I would normally pick up but then when I read about your story, I thought this was my life.  Other than the God Box part, the whole part about losing your father and your mother, I even have one brother - and the ages are so similar - I found when I was reading it I was able to keep the religion part out of it because the story could have been her hopes and dreams for you really.  To me I could look it as putting in those things as putting in those things for you.  I want to start doing it myself - not necessarily a God Box but I love the idea of writing something down for my family - I still believe in the power of people - the more people you have on your side - so to me – the book still makes so much sense.

Mary Lou Quinlan:  You picked up on two messages, particularly this idea of a legacy  to children.  My mom died of a stroke that just wiped her out and we didn't have time to talk.  And yet what she left behind – all those notes of love, it was just like getting her.  You could tell she was tuned into every little hiccup of our lives.  When you see it written down, it's just such an affirmation of that love. So if you take away that for your children, it is so cool.  And the other idea is asking for help.  Some are very good at it, some are better than others. I have never been that good at it.  And I think that the nature of admitting that we need help is very powerful too.

Question:  The most powerful lessons I found in the book was the power of your mom letting things go.  Your mom was able to write it down put it in the box and let it go.  How  did she do that?

Mary Lou Quinlan:  We do hold on and think that we can do everything.  We just mull and mull and chew and chew and stay up all night, your head is rolling with a million things.  And I'm not saying my mom was perfect and she never worried, but certainly some things she asked for again and again. In the case of her illness, it wasn't like she had this cancer and it was over and out.  As she experienced new levels of it she would ask again.  It wasn't about giving up.  It wasn't really a persistence but she did learn to let go. That's why when we would keep nagging about whatever we were complaining about, she would say you really have to stop thinking you can fix this.  She had this belief that it will be handled as it should be.  She was amazing.  She was a working mom in every way and a great wife to my dad, mother to us and just did her thing, day by day.

Question:  Did you find it cathartic writing the book or did you find it difficult going back to those parts of your life?

Mary Lou Quinlan:  It continues to be cathartic because I guess the play makes it never over.  I found that when I've written business books before, it's so easy to be arm's length from a subject and be all smarty pants but when you're writing about your mother... it had to be the best I could ever do.  That's why I kept thinking the book had to be good for her. That makes you think deeply about what was the truth and what did I feel.  And it's very cathartic, particularly about my dad because he died more recently.  If you have experienced this and I'm not saying things get better with time but it does help, with my Dad's memory being so fresh when I write about him, I can say that was the harder part. I could still see him.  And I also took care of him for six weeks in hospice which was different than my mom's situation so the death part of it was so palpable to me and writing about it was probably the hardest part.  But I knew he wanted me to do it.  When I first told him I was going to be doing it, I didn't know at the time that he was going to die.

Question:   How is the show changing when you perform it?

Mary Lou Quinlan:  The process of writing and developing a play is very iterative.  For instance, I just had four hours of rehearsal.  What happens is that is as you're developing a story, Martha Wollner who is the co-developer and director will say, wait a minute, take yourself back.  For instance, when my dad dying.  When I went to his house and he was sleeping in his bed and she said, 'tell me what you're seeing.'And so each time I take myself back and I'm seeing how he looks and that his hearing was bad.  So the play becomes more specific, it becomes funnier and in some ways sadder.  But what I hope is that as the play is developing, it brings me closer to the audience.  I feel that it's becoming more interactive even though the audience isn't speaking but they are connecting more with it.

Question:  Are you setting up these things or is the publisher setting up?  What are the logistics of the speaking engagements?

Mary Lou Quinlan:  Because I've done it before I started with a blank slate and I grew my list - who do I know or what conferences are happening.  I remember sketching out a book tour and it had a little bit of this, a little bit of that.  The Pittsburgh one connected me to two events.  I told another woman and she said, I'm associated with Chatham College Then we called Barnes and Noble and they said let's do a book signing. So bit by bit, they are building out. And it's very hand made, that's what I would say. The harder part is after the book is completed - we have huge social media activity, an app, a documentary film.  Thanks to my father and the small but meaningful money he left me, I decided to spend it on honoring them and that's what I'm doing.and the proceeds will go to cancer organizations since that is the disease that took their lives.