Tips For Celebrating the Birthday of Your Child with Special Needs

UPDATED January 2017: When your child has special needs, planning a birthday party takes a lot of extra planning and special considerations. These expert tips will help make it happier for all.
 

Joanna Dreifus, a New York City parent and mom of two shares her top tips for helping parents enjoy birthday parties for their child with special needs, even when it's hard. These tips will help make the birthday party of your child with special needs easier for you and ultimately happier for them, too.

During the consultations I have with parents who have a child or children with special needs, I advise them on many topics including evaluations, diagnoses, therapies, and schools. But sometimes the most memorable discussions are poignant ones about milestones with a child with special needs. One of those milestones is the child’s birthday.

Our children’s birthdays are meant to be a time to celebrate their accomplishments, their growing up, their marking another “lap” completed in their path of growing up. And to look forward to what’s to come in the next year.

But as I’ve heard from many parents—sometimes the birthday of your child with special needs brings up uncomfortable feelings such as:

My child is not where I thought he/she would be developmentally at this age.

It is hard to see other kids at this age accomplishing so much/doing so well, while my child lags behind or suffers.

My child cannot enjoy his/her own celebration due to anxiety, sensory issues, obsessive thoughts, impulsivity, or other issues.

My child’s birthday just reminds me how “different” this childhood is from what I expected my child to go through—and I worry the upcoming year will be more of the same.

If you’ve ever thought these things on the birthday of your child with special needs, you are not alone. Many clients tell me how stressful a child's birthday can become if you have, for example, a child who can not stand anyone singing "Happy Birthday," can not sit still long enough to enjoy pizza or cake with friends, or has an unexplainable meltdown when given gifts by friends and relatives. It can make a birthday feel extra sad, not extra "happy" at all...not just for the birthday child, but also for you as a parent.  

These are some tips that have helped parents in your situation, and that can make that nerve-wracking birthday a bit brighter: 

Know your child’s limits. Does your child get overwhelmed by crowds or big parties? Keep the party, if you have one, small. Do you know that old adage that you should invite the same number of kids as the age of the birthday party? Abide by that—or think even smaller. Keep the celebration short, too. An hour is plenty. Three-hour parties can be invitations for meltdowns. 

Redefine ‘party.’ By the way, your child’s birthday party doesn’t need to be an actual party. It can be sitting at the kitchen table with some balloons, snacks, and a few friends or relatives. It can be a special outing to your child’s favorite park or playground.