How to Partner with Your Child's Teachers: Advice from the Experts in Nassau County, Long Island

Education experts from the Nassau County, Long Island, area weigh in on how parents can establish a positive relationship with their child's teachers, thus ensuring their child's long-term success in school.

School experiences for children and parents alike can run the gamut from "the time of my life" to dread and avoidance. Generally, the better the communication that exists between the parents and the school staff, be it administrators, teachers, or aides, the healthier (and happier) all parties will be - most notably, the child.

   "Good communication between parents and teachers or tutors is paramount," says Judy Suchman, director of the Chappaqua Learning Center. Often "parents can have expectations for their child that may differ markedly from the teacher's," she adds.

   Bridging that divide-and doing so positively-is one of the most beneficial things parents can do to ensure their child's long-term success in school. It sets the stage for future education. "Teachers and parents alike need to remind themselves that both parties are only interested in doing the very best for the child, no matter how information is communicated," says Linda Gardiner of The Green Vale School. "I tell teachers to listen to what is being said, not necessarily how it is being communicated. Even in the heat of a passionate dialogue with a parent, there is probably some shred of truth in the parent's concerns." She suggests that everyone follow the "Golden Rule" and think about how they themselves would like to be treated.

   Many schools have policies and cultures in place that promote good communication, and it is important for parents to keep that in mind when deciding where to place your children. No matter where you send your child for his education, though, there are things you can do to help you make the most of the parent-teacher relationship. 

We asked local experts:

What advice can you give to foster better parent-teacher relationships?

"Every parent wants to know how their child's day was. Speaking to teachers at drop-off or pick-up is fine for a quick hello, but that is not the time to discuss anything serious. If you need the teacher to know about a schedule change, do it in writing. Also, be careful speaking to teachers about sensitive matters in front of your child. Little ears can be big ears!

The best way to get information from your child's teacher is to write a note! Specify in your note what you want to speak about and when you might be available for a phone call. That way the teacher can call you back when they have time to speak to you and you have time as well. If the teacher is rushed, you may not get all of your questions answered. Also, if the teacher knows what you want to talk about, he or she can be prepared to help.

Some teachers frequently check email and some don't. Check with your school regarding their email policy, and double-check with the teachers as well. Email is a perfectly acceptable method of communication if both parties agree to it."

- Allison Okun, assistant director of early childhood services, Sid Jacobson JCC, East Hills

"In order for a child to succeed in school and in life, she needs parents and teachers who communicate and support each other with regard to what they're teaching in their separate domains. True learning is experiential and extends to other facets of life.

Parents and staff at Mill Neck Manor School together strive to ensure that the focus is always on the child. Successful communication is essential, the only way that we can guarantee a child will progress and work to her fullest potential - and it's an important part of everyone's job.

Some tips for parents that we've garnered over the years:

- Begin all communication with a positive attitude and a willingness to listen.

- Be partners with your teachers.

- Get comfortable within the school and with the teacher

- Feel free to make the first contact with teachers.

- Communicate with each other early in the school year. Start by setting up everyone's expectations for the child on the first day.

- Communicate often. Create a system that will work for both of you and that supplies ample information between home and school

- Follow through with what you said you would do - commitments are important and create a sense of credibility and trust.

Over the years our school, through workshops, parent support groups, surveys, and continual communication, has also developed a list to help teachers work effectively with parents - and knowing these teacher expectations, I think, can help a parent understand how to navigate that relationship. We tell teachers:

- All families have strength.

- Parents can learn new techniques if encouraged and if they understand it's worth it.

- Parents have important perspectives about their children - so stop, listen, and then act.

- Most parents really care about their children; give them the credit and respect they deserve.

- Cultural differences are both valid and valuable. Ask about a family's background and how it impacts a child's education and growth.

   All the experiences children have, both in and out of school, help shape their sense that someone cares about them, their feelings of self-worth and competency, their understanding of the world around them, and their beliefs about where they fit into the scheme of things."

- Francine Atlas Bogdanoff, assistant superintendent, Mill Neck Manor School for the Deaf and Mill Neck Manor Early Childhood Center