Is Parenthood as Scary as It Seems?

As she considers someday having kids, one Brooklyn woman wonders: I hear all about the cons of parenthood.

On a recent Saturday night, I was strolling to dinner near my home in Brooklyn. The weather was nicer than it had been in a while. The restaurants were packed. Groups of singles gathered at bars; laughing couples sat at tables near windows, with wine glasses filled. My boyfriend and I were leisurely deciding on a place to eat, little more than a relaxing date night and good food on our minds.

Then a woman with two (apparently tired) children approached. They looked to be around 2 and 5 years old. My smile in her direction caused her to walk faster, head down. As she passed us, it felt to me as if being near the carefree—aka childless—was too much of a reminder of a life that was no longer hers.

Part of me sympathized: While I don’t have any kids, I’ve seen many examples of how much work they are.

Then the other part of me wondered: How much did the reality of motherhood take her by surprise?

In recent years, a string of friends and relatives have announced pregnancies and the arrival of new babies with pride. Then, when we finally see each other to catch up, months, even a year or two, later, they talk wistfully about the exciting city life they left behind, the monotony of the suburbs. Those who were once fitness devotees frequently lament their post-pregnancy bodies, claiming they no longer had the willpower, time, and/or energy to devote to staying in shape.

The woes varied depending on the parent (to a degree. Exhaustion and no time for oneself were fairly consistent). They all had one thing in common, though: At some point, they’d gaze at their newborn’s face and declare they wouldn’t change a thing.

So I’m confused.