MISSING KIDS: The number is down — but keeping your guard up is essential, experts stress

Don’t be stymied by fear: Teach kids the right lessons By Jill Weinlein

The recent abductions of girls throughout the country have caused widespread fear among parents and children. How do we protect our families? How do we talk comfortably with our children about unthinkable acts? The best time to talk to them is now, especially with children back in school. “Use simple and age-appropriate words when talking to your children,” says psychotherapist Dr. Amy Demner. “Graphic details are not necessary. We must discuss these events as real-life lessons. Listen to your children, and talk about their fears.” A survey released by the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children found that nearly 1 in 10 parents have never discussed safety tips outside their home. One in 5 have never developed a plan of action if someone tries to abduct them. “Parents and children always feel safer after learning prevention strategies,” writes Kenneth Wooden in his book, Child Lures. “Preventive education builds awareness and can save lives.” Dangers do exist, but by following these guidelines with your children, hopefully they will avoid or escape from potentially dangerous situations: 1. Don’t put your children’s names on the outside of backpacks, shirts or school lunches. You don’t want a predator to call your child by name. 2. By age 5, your children should know their full name, address, home and cell phone numbers. Teach them what to say to a 911 operator if they have an emergency. 3. Role-play with your children. “Role-playing specific dangerous situations and how to handle them will help your children become more assertive when they need to take action for their safety,” says family therapist Sherry Warschaw. Pretend you are a stranger asking for help in finding a lost pet, asking for directions or offering candy. Tell your children to scream, attract attention and run to a trusted adult for help. Then, have each child play the stranger role and show them how you would react. 4. Reassure your children that it’s OK to tell you anything, even if a person made them promise not to say a word or threatens them. Explain that if a person causes them to feel frightened, confused or uncomfortable, that it’s OK to say NO — even to an adult in authority. “Trust, as in trusting your gut feeling, is key to a child sensing when something or someone is not right,” states Warschaw. 5. Have your children fingerprinted. Many community fairs and local police stations sponsor this service. This document and a recent photograph of your child are very useful when tracking and identifying a missing child. 6. Stress to your children to always check with a parent or caretaker before getting into any car, even if it belongs to someone they know. Be sure they tell you where they are going, with whom, and when they will be back home. 7. Explain to your children that the areas of their body covered by a bathing suit are private and should never be touched by anyone, except a doctor if needed and with a parent present. 8. Have a family code word. It could be a pet’s name or favorite color. If your child is lost or waiting for you and a stranger approaches saying “Your mom had an emergency and asked for me to take you home,” have your child ask for the code word. If the stranger doesn’t know it, the child is to scream and run for help. 9. Stay involved in your children’s lives. Attend school field trips, host play dates and sleepovers. Get to know your children’s friends and families before you allow them to participate in these activities in their homes. Ask if there will be a gun in the house. If you are uncomfortable with the answer, invite your child’s friend to come to your house instead. 10. Share meals with your children and have them share the best and worst that happens to them at school. Listen carefully to their fears and be supportive in all discussions.