Don’t Clear the Coffee Table!

Everything is an adventure Parents share the potential nightmare of their child breaking something while visiting a friend or relative’s home. Since the world is not baby-proofed, children who have not been taught how to be careful will not know what to do when they are visiting someone who hasn’t cleared everything off their tables. Because they’ve been raised in a world free of tempting magazines to drop on the floor, they’ll expect everyone’s home to offer the same environment. To a young child, every new location is an opportunity for adventure — which could become stressful for Mom and Dad. Those raised in a home where they are taught that some things are not for touching will have the experience of knowing how to approach the situation in other people’s homes.

Reinforcing their instincts Because it is a natural instinct for young children to want to examine and understand everything in front of them, you can foster their curiosity without removing everything from their path. Encourage your baby to sit with you and help you hold the items from the table. Use phrases and words that reinforce his aptitude and stress the appropriate actions. Saying, “Look how you’re so gentle,” instead of, “No, no! Don’t touch that,” teaches your child that you trust him and fosters his respect and inquisitive nature. If you know your baby adores looking at a particular item, take a few minutes each day to sit quietly with her. Hold her hand as she passes it along the edges of picture frames and ceramic objects. She will delight at your willingness to allow her to touch holiday ornaments or decorative pieces. Explain the origin of the special vase, or who the people are in the pictures your toddler loves to examine. Allowing children as young as six months old to help you hold the object of their fascination will develop not only their respect for the item, but their motor coordination and self esteem as well. Rebecca admits that you must do this repeatedly before children learn and that it is difficult at first. It helps to offer them things they are allowed to touch freely because, as she notes, “It is important to say ‘yes’ a lot as well as ‘no’.” Of course, if your child is set on touching something that is irreplaceable or potentially harmful, you must use age-appropriate caution, perhaps substituting a less valuable or dangerous item for him to admire. Over time, the fascination with the vase full of flowers will subside and your child will no longer pay attention to the items on your tables. He will have learned how to address his innate curiosity and will understand that if he asks you to see something, you’ll respect him enough to show him. When Rebecca takes her children to other people’s homes or stores now, she does not have to worry that they will get into something they shouldn’t. “I warn them not to touch beforehand, so they know what to expect. And they will ask for my permission before they touch something,” she says. When a child is raised with a cautious and respectful understanding of how to investigate what interests him, he will adjust more readily to varied surroundings. His independence and confidence will grow as he becomes aware of how to appreciate things that are cherished without destroying them. And he will be less likely to touch everything within his grasp outside of his home because he has been taught to respect the things inside his home.